


Traitor with a Heart

by MightyKnighty



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Action & Romance, Anime, Bertolt Deserved Better, Bertolt is Complicated, Betrayal, Death, F/M, Fanfiction, Multi, Nobody stays happy, Poor Marco Bott, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, traitors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24907186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MightyKnighty/pseuds/MightyKnighty
Summary: The walls provide safety and comfort. All those who live within the walls live in a comfortable paradise, or so you thought. After the breach of Wall Maria, you and your friends of the 104th training cadets become full fledged soldiers. But what happens when Bertolt, one of the Warriors sent to destroy humanity, falls in love with you, a paradise devil?Attack on Titan does not belong to me! Thus far the only characters I own are Conrad, and [Y/N]!Majorly Bertolt x Reader, but there is some underlying Armin x Reader and OC x Reader.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Reader, Bertolt Hoover/Reader, OC/Reader, attack on titan/reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 82





	1. Shiganshina

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Attack on Titan or its Characters! I just own Conrad and the overall plot!

Edited: 7/13/2020

\--------------------

For more than a century, humanity has lived comfortably within the three walls. There has been plenty of food, plenty of space, and most importantly, security. Within these walls, humanity is safe. Thanks to these walls, no titan will ever get their hands on civilian life. They are strong, but the walls are stronger. My parents and I live within Wall Sheena in the Ehrmich District. We aren’t the wealthiest, but we live better than the average person. My father owns some taverns throughout the walls. One in every district. While my father could afford to live in the innermost city, he felt that living in Ehrmich would give us more sense of normalcy.

My mother grew up in Shiganshina where she worked as a waitress in my father’s tavern. She worked alongside her long time best friend, the now Carla Jaeger. We often visit Carla and her family on the holidays, and for my yearly checkups with Doctor Grisha Jaeger. He had helped many of the town's people when the plague struck, and now he is our trusted family doctor. It would be easier for him to come to us, but my mom uses it as an excuse to see her friend. My parents were married after my mother recovered as she and my father feared she was going to die before marrying. They then had me, [Y/N] [L/N]. These walls protect me and my family.

I felt something gently shake my shoulder, gradually bringing me out of my sleep. I blinked a couple of times and rubbed my eyes, trying to get the blurriness to go away. My room was still dark as I looked around. I saw a figure looming over me; it frightened me at first but then I realized that it was my mother.

“Wake up dear, we have to take a road trip,” she whispered as she petted my hair down. “We are going to Shiganshina today,” She stood up and started making her way around my room to help get me dressed. 

“Are we going to see Dr.Jaeger?” I yawned as I removed my blanket. I sat up and threw my legs over to the edge of my bed, scratching my head.

“Yes dear, but we are also going to spend the day there so make sure you take your comfy shoes. That way you can play with Eren, Armin, and Mikasa,” She explains. My mother starts shuffling around my room. She lights the candle on my vanity and begins to look through my closet for a comfortable dress. “You have so many dresses, [Y/N]. Do you want to give one to Mikasa?”

I nod my head vigorously and beam, “Yes! I want to give her the black and gold one. I think it’ll look very pretty with her scarf.”

My mother nods as she takes out the requested dress and light blue, short sleeve dress. It had a soft, white ribbon around the waist. The skirt was flat, but if you spun around it would fan out quite nicely. “Come here, let’s get you dressed,” she beckons. My mother helped me change into the dress and handed me a soft pink cardigan, “It is going to be a little chilly and I don’t want you to get sick.”

Once I changed my clothes, my mom sits me down at my vanity and combs out my [h/l] [h/c], and braids it. I love it when my mother braids my hair. She is always so gentle and caring. I watch my mother in the mirror, who stands behind me. Her long [H/C] hair falls effortlessly down her back in soft waves. Her front fringes are tied back with a golden ribbon. Her gentle green eyes are focused on my hair that rests in her delicate hands. My mother exudes grace and beauty. She never raises her voice, but she is in no way meek. She respects everyone around her and expects to be treated the same. She does not let others disrespect her or her family, and she will raise hell all while portraying the grace of an angel. I strive to be exactly like my mother. She removes the ribbon from her hair and ties it at the bottom of my hair. “I am giving you this ribbon, so take care of it. It’s my favorite one,” she softly kisses the top of my head. My [e/c] eyes sparkle as I nod.

“Thank you, mom. I will.”

We exited my room and finally went down to our carriage. Conrad, our carriage driver, opened the door for us and helped us in. My mother motioned me to rest on her lap, “Rest [Y/N]. We have a long ride ahead of us. Little girls like you need all the energy so you can play later on.” I rest my head on her lap as I look out the window and at the stars. It has to be at least 4 a.m considering how there are still stars. The sun will begin to come up in two hours, and in 9 hours we will be in Shiganshina. I closed my eyes, as I know I will use my energy to play with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin when we get there. Almost immediately, sleep washed over me as 4 a.m is never kind towards children. 

I was woken up again by my mother gently shaking my shoulder. I yawn and rub my eyes as I push myself up. I glance out the window and see the sun is already shining brightly, but I also see buildings and I can hear the chatter of passing people. “Are we here?” I sit up and begin looking out the window. 

“Not yet dear. We are in Trost right now. We're going to stop really quick so we can buy some breakfast, okay?” We continued on a little more before stopping at a shop. My mother went in to buy us food while Conrad stayed by the carriage with me. 

“Conrad, how old are you?” I question as I peer down at the boy. I sit on his bench while he tends to our two horses. He lets me sit on his bench so he could keep a better eye on me.

“I’m 16 years old, miss,” He smiles at me while he gives the horses some water and hay. 

“Wow, you could be in the Military police!” My [e/c] eyes sparkle in awe. He thought a little as he leaned against the carriage by me.

“I don’t know, miss. I think I’d rather be in the Scout Regiment. But I always tell my little brother that he needs to join the military police. That way he can serve the king and live comfortably,” He declares as he fixes the bandages that covered his blisters.

“I didn’t know you had a brother! What’s his name?”

“Hm? Oh, Marco,” he runs a hand through his shoulder-length black hair, “He is probably around your age, miss. We live not too far from Trost, though I don’t think you’ll ever meet him. He’s a great kid though. I think the two of you would be great friends if you ever did meet.” He laughs a little as a fond look settles in his dark brown eyes. “He is such a kind kid. I don’t think he could ever hurt a fly.”

“He sounds amazing! I hope I do get to meet him one day!” I feel excited at the prospect of one day making a new friend. If he's anything like Conrad, then he must be very sweet and helpful. Conrad is all sorts of great. He helps my father with deliveries and drives me and mom around. If he is making a quick delivery, he will sometimes bring me along and let me sit with him on the driver’s bench! He has such a pretty smile and he’s very easy to talk to. I like to ask him all sorts of questions. Sometimes, on our way to Shiganshina, he tells me stories about a princess that could control titans, and instead of killing people, they help them. I don’t think it’s true, but it is nonetheless interesting. One day, I will marry Conrad, and if not him, then someone like him.

“I hope so too,” he beams up at me then laughs, “ He needs more friends anyways.”

My mother finally comes out with a bag of pastries and fruit. “Alright, I am back. Conrad, here you go,” She gives some to Conrad, who is very touched. “Ma’am, thank you so much. You really didn’t need to. I could have gotten myself something in Shiganshina,” he reassures her as he attempts to give it back.

“Nonsense, Conrad. You are practically my son, so eat, You are still a growing boy, and you need all the strength you can get,” she insisted. Conrad sets the food on his bench, opens the carriage door, and helps my mother and me inside. Once comfortable, my mother then hands me some fruits and pastries and soon we begin our travels once more.

After 4 slow hours, We finally arrived in Shiganshina. I had made my way out of the carriage due to my inability to stay seated in one spot for too long and seated beside Conrad. I excitedly turned my head around to watch the passing people and to see the familiar buildings. “We’re here, Conrad!” I bubbled as I looked up at him with shining eyes.

“Indeed we are, little miss,” he chuckled as he pats my head. We turn the corner and continue down the road to the Jaeger Household. I buzz in my seat with excitement. I get to see my friends again, my mom will be with her best friends. It will be a great time! We stopped in front of the Jaeger house, and I couldn’t wait any longer. As soon as we stop, I jump over Conrad. He leans back in surprise and grabs onto his hat. I bound up the stairs of the house and stare at the door with bright eyes and a giant smile. 

“[Y/N], Please wait. We need to get Conrad situated first,” my mother says as she exits the carriage. “Conrad, can you please get the bag in the back?”

“Certainly, ma’am,” he acknowledged as he got down to retrieve the bag. My mother walks ever so elegantly up the stairs. Once at my side, she lightly knocks. It wasn't long till the door promptly opens to reveal a beautiful woman with warm eyes and beautiful black hair.

“[M/N]! You’re here!” Carla gives my mother a tight hug as she laughs a little.

“Ah Carla, It’s been too long,” my mother squeezes her back, “How are the children?”

“Oh, you know. Eren gets into trouble and rarely ever listens, and Mikasa gets him out. Speaking of which,” Carla turns her attention to me and smiles warmly, “Hello, [Y/N]. Eren and Mikasa are out collecting firewood right now. Grisha is inside though, so you can get started on your checkup. I am sure when you’re done, they will be back.”

“Okay, Thank you, Mrs. Jaeger.” I ran inside to find Grisha Jaeger sitting in the kitchen reading a book. I overhear her telling Conrad that there are stables close to the entry gate, but I just approach Dr. Jaeger instead. “Hello, Dr. Jaeger! I am here for my checkup!” I announced as I stood in front of him. 

He looks up and smiles at me, “Ah, if it isn’t my favorite patient. Shall we get started on your checkup?” I nodded as he got up and grabbed his medical bag. The checkup didn’t last too long and consisted of standard things, like checking my blood pressure and listening to my heart. My mother and Mrs. Jaeger were in the kitchen, quietly chatting as Dr. Jaeger checked my back for any signs of Scoliosis. The check-up lasted a total of 45 minutes as today he gave me my vaccine. As soon as the check-up was done, loud bells could be heard clanging in the distance. I looked around uneasily as I haven’t been accustomed to the bells here. I look at my mother and Mrs. Jaeger with a worried look. “Mrs. Jaeger, what do those bells mean?” I questioned.

Mrs. Jaeger sighed, “Those are the bells to signal the return of the Scout Regiment. They must have returned from their expedition.” She stood up from her chair and walked to the cupboards and began to look through them, “Would you like a snack, [Y/N]? I’m sure that the long trip made you hungry.” 

“Yes please!” I beamed as I sat down at the table. Carla and my mother were talking as Grisha continued to read his book and while Carla was preparing my snack. She set a plate down in front of me with crackers with jelly spread out on top of it. I happily ate, not paying attention to the topic of conversation. I would occasionally hear Eren and Mikasa’s names, occasionally mine and Armin’s name. When I finished, Carla picked up my plate and put it in the sink where she then started to wash the dishes, not once stopping the conversation with my mom.

Suddenly, the door opened, revealing Eren and Mikasa. “We’re home!” Eren announced as he adjusted the straps on his shoulders.

“Welcome back,” Grisha looked up from his book and turned his head. “Don’t forget to greet our guests.” Eren’s eyes lit up when he saw me and Mikasa smiled a tad bit as well.

“[Y/N]!” Eren greets me happily as he hugs me. Mikasa came forward and hugged me as well.

“Hello, Mrs. [L/N],” Eren and Mikasa called out. Eren took off the bundle from his back and set it on the floor. Mikasa was beginning to put them away, so I got up from my chair and went over to Mikasa.

“Hello, you two,” my mother laughs, “I hope you weren’t out causing trouble.”

Eren huffs a little, “We don’t always get into trouble.” My mother gives him a knowing look as he flushes a bit.

“Let me help, Mikasa,” I grabbed the bundle that Eren had set down and began to help.

Carla looked at Eren and Mikasa with an unimpressed look, “ You two are late. It’s not very kind to have your guest waiting for so long. You both are lucky that [Y/N] needed to get a check-up first.”

“Yeah… well…” Eren thought as he went over and stood by his dad, “Some stuff happened.” Mikasa and I finished putting away the wood and went over to the table.

“Oh! Mikasa, I brought a dress for you! I thought it would look very pretty with your scarf!” I smiled at her with excited eyes, as I continued to describe the dress for her. My mother chuckled as she watched the scene before her. “Mom, the dress is in the bag right?” I questioned as I went to our bag, looking for the dress.

She hummed, “Kids these days… getting distracted so easily.” Grisha chuckled at her comment as he began to pack up his bag. 

Eren noticed his dad packed up and looked a bit deflated, “Huh? Dad, you’re going out now?”

“Yeah, I have to go see a patient two towns up. Since I already finished [Y/N]’s checkup, I don’t have any more appointments here.” 

“Eren said…” Everyone turned their attention to Mikasa, “... He wants to join the Survey Corps.” She looked down a bit worryingly. My mother gasps out loud, covering her mouth with her hand. I stood up from my crouched position, mouth gaping open. My own friend… wants to join the most suicidal branch of the military? What for when the walls are there to protect us? I looked over at Carla, who looked as though someone just died in front of her.

Eren looked visibly betrayed as he spluttered, “ M-Mikasa!! I told you not to tell anyone!”

Carla abandoned the dishes as she grabbed both of Eren’s arms. She yells desperately, “Eren!! What are you thinking?! Do you know how many people have died trying to fight those monsters?!” She desperately searches his face for some sign that this was a joke or that he changed his mind, but… she never found it.

Eren visibly sweats as he tries to defend himself, “Y-yes, I know!” I look over at Grisha, he has to be upset at the idea of his son joining the Survey Corps. I was more surprised to see him contemplating the idea. 

“Eren… Why do you want to go **outside**?” Grisha inquired as he leaned closer to Eren.

Eren’s face flushed a little as he defended himself, “I hate the idea of spending my whole life inside the wall, not knowing what it’s like outside!” We were all shocked at his reasoning, but we were more thrown off when his face morphed into determination and anger. “And besides… If there’s no one to continue fighting, then everyone who has died up till now died in vain!” Grisha stared at Eren, who seemed unmoving from his argument. I couldn’t help but feel helpless. I can’t change Eren’s mind when he’s already set his mind to something. 

“I see… Well. I better be going,” Grisha stood up and grabbed his medical bag.

Carla, in the last attempt, calls out, “Wait, Honey! Please, talk some sense into your son!”

“Carla… It doesn’t matter what anyone says. There is no holding back our son. He’s too inquisitive.” Eren stood there in stupefaction. Grisha turned away, “Eren when I get back, I’ll show you what’s in the basement…that I’ve been keeping a secret.”

Eren’s eyes glistened in wonder, “R-Really?!”

We all walked out to watch Grisha off. Carla looks down at Eren, visibly annoyed. “Eren. I won't let you do anything as stupid as joining the Survey Corps,” She looks at my mother in hopes she backs her up. I look up at my mother, hoping she does say something.

“Stupid?!” Eren looked thoroughly insulted, and looked at me and Mikasa, hoping we’d side with him. 

My mother sighs, “Your mother is right, Eren. This whole idea is foolish.”

Eren, unable to listen anymore, runs down the stairs, “The way I see it, people who are satisfied living like caged birds are the real fools!! I try to make my own decisions but you just shut me down! I hate you!” Before we could stop him, he ran off, far from us. 

Carla crouches down to Mikasa and I’s level, “Mikasa, that boy is stubborn, so protect him if he gets into trouble.”

“I will,” Mikasa nods in determination.

“[Y/N], I truly believe you are the only one that he will listen to, so please try to guide him,” she begs me with pleading eyes.

“Yes, ma’am!” I nod as well. With that, we both run after Eren to make sure he doesn’t get himself in a compromising position. Before I got too far, I turned around and called out to my mother, “I’ll be back mom! I love you!” I then ran after Mikasa once more.

We ran through town, looking for Eren when Mikasa stopped. I always joked with Armin that Mikasa had a sixth sense where she could feel when Eren was going to do something stupid. She turned her head towards an alley and started sprinting down. “Wah! Mikasa! Wait for me! I can’t run that fast!” I attempted to chase her, Now only trying to figure out where she went. I am still not too familiar with Shiganshina’s alleyways, so I try my best not to get lost.

I ran down the road, stopping at a different alley, and saw Eren and Mikasa chase off some guys with Armin on the ground looking beat up. My heart clenches at the sight of my hurt friend and I run over to them. “Armin! Are you hurt?” He shook his head as he brought his arm up to wipe his nose. I crouched down beside him and grabbed his arm to stop him. I took out my handkerchief and wiped his nose. He tried to turn his head away but I grabbed the other side of his face to turn it back.

“Are you okay, Armin?” Eren extended his hand out to Armin who just looked down. 

“Y-Yeah… I’m fine,” He forces himself up, relying on the wall behind him. I stood up as well, watching him carefully. 

“Let’s go get you cleaned up Armin… Your face is all dirty,” I give him my handkerchief and I tug his sleeve to leave the alleyway. 

We started to walk towards the river when Mikasa decided to integrate Armin, “So why were those guys giving you such a hard time?”

Armin sniffs as he sits down in the grass, watching the river in front of him. I sat down on one side of him and Eren and Mikasa sat on the other side of him. “When I said the human race should… eventually, go to the outside world, he punched me and called me a Heretic,” he says softly. I looked at him sadly.

Eren threw a rock into the river and commented, seeming very annoyed, “Damn it… Why does everyone shut down the people that want to go outside?”

I nuzzled closer to my knees. “Well,” I began, “It’s because we’ve lived in these walls peacefully for 100 years now.”

Armin nods, seemingly understanding my thoughts. He continues, “People are afraid that if we go out carelessly, **they** could get in. It’s taboo even having an interest in going to the outside world, according to the royal government policy.”

“So in other words,” Eren grimaces, “The King is a coward! It’s **OUR LIVES!!** We can however we want, right?”

“Absolutely not!” Mikasa said suddenly, glaring at Eren. We all look at her, taken aback by her sudden outburst.

“That reminds me!” Eren glared back at Mikasa, “Thanks a lot for ratting me out to mom, dad, and Mrs. [L/N]!!”

“I don’t remember agreeing to keep it a secret,” She huffs.

“Both of you! Stop acting so childishly!” I reprimand both of them, causing both to look away annoyed.

“So how’d they take it?” Armin questioned while glancing over.

Eren sighs, “They weren’t too happy.”

“Naturally…” I said under my breath.

“What the hell, [Y/N]?! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“How am I supposed to when we’re safe within the walls?!”

Armin looks at me, rebutting my argument, “Just because the walls haven’t been breached in 100 years, doesn’t mean they won’t break through it today, for example.”

Just as I was about to comment on how that was impossible, the ground shook so violently that it caused Armin to fall into me, and me down to the ground. We looked around, confused, and scared.

“Wha-What was that?!” I tremble a little, allowing Armin to help me up. 

“An earthquake?” Eren tried to reason, but we all knew that it was too large to have been natural. We see people pointing at something down the street, staring. “Let’s check out what’s going on.” The trembles continued as we ran through the streets. Armin grabbed my wrist to drag to the crowd of people. Armin turns his head to the wall and suddenly stops. I looked towards the wall as well, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I heard Eren call out to us, but I just couldn’t bring myself to answer. We all stood there, staring at the smoke that was rising on the other side of the wall.

Suddenly, a hand grabs the top of the wall. Thumping coursed through the ground, and my first reaction is to grab Armin’s arm. I could hear people screaming in the distance. “Th-That wall is **50 meters high** …” Armin trembles. An enormous head begins to emerge over the wall, staring down at us. It’s grin forever ingraining itself in my memories. The screaming of others never stopped. I wanted to run but I couldn’t move my feet. I was stricken with fear. All my life, I felt as though the titans would never hurt us again, but suddenly that naive mentally shattered.

A horrible screeching rang through the tow, causing all of us to cover our ears. But when I looked, I saw stones fly through the air, striking down homes and crushing people. Wait… stones? Suddenly, that monster ducked under the wall and was gone, but all it left was a hole in the wall. It couldn’t believe my eyes. All my life, I thought I was safe in Wall Sheena, but if it could break through wall Maria, then it could definitely bring down Rose and Sheena too.

“I-It.. made a hole in the wall,” Eren’s voice quivered. As the situation began to settle on everyone, they all began to run and scream in absolute terror.

“Guys, run!” Armin yelled as he began to run away, “We have to get out of here before the Titans get in!”

We all started to run, but we all stopped when Eren started to run towards the wall.

“Eren!!” I screamed after him.

“The pieces of the wall fell near the houses! Our moms are at home!” Suddenly, everything came crashing down around me. My mom. She is still at the Jaeger house. She could need my help!

I tried to run after Mikasa and Eren, but the hand that was around my wrist stopped me. I looked behind me and my heart broke when I looked at Armin. “It’s… too late. This town will be overrun by titans!!” 

“I need to help them, Armin! My mom might die!”

“Please, [Y/N]! I can’t watch you run to your death, too! I don’t want to be alone!” Armin yelled as he broke down to tears. I felt my own eyes build up in tears. He’s right. If I ran, I could die. Then he would really be alone. I have to trust that my mom would be okay.

“Come on then! The longer we stand around the sooner we’d be chased!” I grabbed his hand and started running for entrance, and hopefully to the boats. Since Conard was by the entrance hopefully he got out.

But… What if he came looking for me? Armin began to wail as he held onto my hand tightly. We dodged the crowd of people, weaving through them. It was horrifying to see the citizens with their legs or heads crushed under the wall pieces. There was just so much blood. I started to slow down, causing Armin to almost run into me. 

He kept trying to tug my arm forwards, “[Y/n]! We need to keep moving or else the Titans will kill us!!”

“But… But what if Conrad had gone looking for us,” my eyes welled in tears. I grabbed his shoulders with an iron grip before screaming in his face, “We’re  **ALL** going to die Armin!!” I shook him hard before pointing at the already dead bodies. “We’re just going to keep being like them if we run!” 

“And we won’t find out if we don’t get out of here! Conrad is smart, he’d know to run while he still had working legs!” He cried back, trying to pull me along. “We can’t be naive!”

I pushed him away. Hard. “I need to find him, Armin! I need to! Run while you can! I promise I won’t be far behind! Just let me look!!” I had tears streaming down my face as I tried to hold any bit of sanity I could. I wiped my face with my dirty hands, trying to look strong.

Armin sucked in a shaky breath before sniffling, “Alright fine… But You have to promise that you will keep heading to the boats!” He stuck out his pinky, which I quickly linked. He turned and ran as fast as he could. I looked at the panicky face before calling, “CONRAD!” I started running and shouting for him.


	2. Refuge in Trost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated: 12/21/2020

I sat on the cold cobble road of Trost with no comforting words, no mother to hold me close, no friends to support me. Just all alone with my thoughts. So much has happened since I told Armin to keep going. I closed my eyes only for the memories to flash before me again. I had kept shouting for Conrad, eventually reaching the gate. I had followed the large mass of people who were boarding the boats, when suddenly rocks and wind began thrashing everywhere. I couldn’t breathe as I turned around to come face to face with the Armored Titan. I couldn’t move my legs as I stared back at it. I was swiftly picked up and carried by a soldier. “Children have first priority! Pass all of them forward! Women with children board as well!” I was swiftly passed forward like many other children and their mothers. I couldn’t stop watching. This was absolute hell.

Eventually I had arrived in Trost, but at what cost? I had been wandering the refugee areas for three days, searching for someone I knew. If I had gone with Armin Maybe I would have been with him and the others. But I am now stranded with nowhere to go. I search for food when soldiers aren’t passing it out, as well as search for familiar faces. At night, I have been hiding behind garbage so that no one would try and mug me, plus a dirty child is something no one wants to deal with.

I feel tears well up in my [E/C] eyes. I hate the fact that I had decided to separate myself from everyone. Between my mom and friends and Armin. But, my decision was made. Now I must live with the consequences. The tears stream down my face as I think of My mom, Mikasa, Eren, Carla, and Armin. Where were they? Were they okay? I couldn’t stop the tears. I couldn’t stop thinking of their fates.

“What- What if M-Mikasa-,” I sniffled, “Eren, and-and my mom and Carla did- didn’t make it?” I could control the horrendous sobs that left my mouth. I hiccuped and wiped my nose. I probably looked like a complete and total mess. I’m scared, cold, and hungry. I want to be held by mom with Conrad telling me stories about Marco and his village. I wish I could laugh at Erin’s antics or listen to Armin read to me or make a flower crown for Mikasa.

Eventually, my sobs died down to light whimpering. I forced myself to my feet, using the wall behind me for support. My throat is still raw from crying and my eyes are still puffy, but I had to get in line for rations. I scurried to the courtyard, where a mass of people was gathered to collect food. There were long lines and smaller crowds. Some people were trying to get others to share, while others greedily ate all of their rations. I kept looking around, for at least one familiar face. This is the last courtyard I haven’t checked before. I scanned the crowd, weaving my way around the other refugees, when my eyes fell upon a familiar mop of blonde hair. I felt my eyes well up in tears all over again. I slowly started walking to the mop before breaking into a sprint, “Armin!” I cried as I crashed into him, hugging him tightly before we both fell to the ground.

“[Y-Y/n]? You’re… You’re alive!” he tightly wrapped his arms around me with a bone crushing grip. We both broke into tears, holding each other like one of us would disappear. “I-I was so worried [Y-Yn]! I didn’t see you when I got to the boat, I-I just didn’t know what happened,” He let me go just to hold my face to get a good look at me. I could see his eyes flash with concern as he saw just how dirty I was. “Let’s get up off the ground,” he suggested as he began to help me up. 

“I had found my grandpa, Eren, and Mikasa. Grandpa is getting in line for rations, but Eren and Mikasa are over there by that building,” Armin 

“Did you see anyone else with them, Armin?” I worried as I pressed for answers.

He shook his head, “Not that I saw. I didn’t see Grisha, Carla, or [M/n].” A terrible feeling began to grow in the pit of your stomach. No adults? That means that they didn’t make it, or they were still missing. “You might want to go talk to them, [Y/n],” Armin suggested.

“Yeah, I’ll go do that…” I softly informed him as I ran off in the direction Armin pointed out. I wedged my way through people, pushing and dodging my way to a barn entrance. I gently slid the door open to not startle them. 

I saw Eren on the floor, sleeping soundly, as Mikasa was seated against the wall. I felt the tears well up in my eyes as I ran to Mikasa. Her eyes widened as she stood up swiftly and hugged me tightly when I crashed into her. I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were here. They were really here. I eagerly pulled away to inspect her face. There were no visible damages but her eyes looked colder than normal, void of any emotions. While Mikasa never really expressed much emotion, there used to always be a twinkle in her eyes. Now it was just empty.

“You guys are okay… where is your mom? Where is my mom?” I hold her out as I interrogate her. They had to have found them. They just had to.

Mikasa visibly tensed up, as she thought of her wording. She is a naturally blunt person, but she knew this would be sensitive information. “A piece of the wall had crashed into our house,” she whispered as she observed my reaction. I tightened my grip on her to stop my shaking, “Mom was crushed at the legs. Your mom… was killed directly on impact.” I felt numb.

“No...” I felt my eyes water all over again, “N-No, she was supposed to be okay!”. The guilt from before amplified tenfold. Even if I had gone with them, it would have been useless as she would have been dead. I took a shaky breath in before trying to find my words, “A-And what about your mom?”

“She was…” she swallowed the ball forming in her throat as she felt tears prick at her eyes. “She was eaten…”

Crashing and burning. That is what it feels like. My mother, my everything, is gone. She will never get to see me on my wedding day or be there to help me when I have my first kid. I will never be able to go down to Shiganshina and play by the river with my friends. My mom won’t be able to braid my hair, take me on her trips, or let me wear her dresses. Instead, she was killed by the Colossal Titan. I hate it. I hate myself. I hate the Colossal Titan.

I quietly nod. “I am sorry you had to see that,” I whisper, “Did you see Conrad at all?”

She shook her head causing the sinking feeling in my stomach to deepen. “No, we didn’t…” she solemnly looked down.

“I… I’m going to go look for Armin… Come find us when Eren wakes up.” Mikasa nodded as I hesitantly let go of her shoulders.

“I’m glad to see that you’ve made it, [Y/n]... We thought we lost you…” Mikasa called after me as I began walking out. 

I turned my head to mutter, “I am…” Her smile… I’ll never see it. I will never feel the warmth of her embrace or her lilac scent. What did we do to deserve this? Were we just all destined for death? I quickened my pace to get out of there to hopefully get some air.

I went up to Armin, who was still in line with his grandfather. He turned to smile at me but immediately frowned when he saw my unresponsive face. “What happened [Y/n]?” Armin questioned as he placed a hand on my shoulder. 

“She’s dead, Armin,” I muttered as I stared at the ground. 

“Who?” Armin’s eyes widened, as he feared he already knew the answer.

“My mom… she was crushed by a stone…” The entire wait in the line was quiet after that. I just kept thinking whether it was a painless death, or whether she suffered before she died. I hoped it was painless as she didn’t deserve to suffer.

Eventually, we were given our rations. One adult ration and four child rations. Armin gave me two as he held the other two and started to run towards the barn Mikasa and Eren were in. We saw them walking out to the courtyard, so Armin began to run towards them. I trailed behind, eventually catching up.

“Hey! Guys! Grandpa managed to get four child rations!” he exclaimed. We heard someone tsk. We turned around and saw a soldier from the Garrison give us a disgusted look.

“What’s his problem?” Eren snarled as he took his bread.

“They’re running low on food, so he’s probably just hungry,” Armin turned back to Eren and Mikasa, “But I’d make that last if I were you.”

I broke a piece of my bread and began to nibble on the smaller piece of it. I suddenly remembered that we went to Shiganshina with Conrad. Where was he? Was he also killed? Gosh, I hoped not. He was too sweet and kind to suffer such a fate. I drowned out the others’ conversation, as I began to wonder where Conrad could be. He was an inhabitant of Wall Rose, so he should be here.

“Ugh look at them. Acting like a bunch of animals,” the soldier from before scoffed at two men fighting over a single loaf of bread. “Maybe we should just shove them in cages and send them off back to Wall Maria.” He snarled at the men. “Yeah, eat up so we can fatten up the titans!”

“Are you fucking kidding me!” Eren stormed up to the man, enraged by this man’s ignorant comments.

“You got a problem kid?” The man cocked his head to the side, a clear sign of distaste for Eren.

“Yeah! I do! Do you think it’s funny?! We lost everything, and you think it’s some kind of joke! You don’t know what it’s like out there! What kind of monsters they are!” Eren screamed at the soldier, tears pricking his eyes.

“Eren, calm down,” Mikasa came forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Careful what you say to those who give you your food, boy.” The man sneered and walked off with his fellow soldiers. 

“Who does he think he is?! Talking like that?! Like thousands of people didn’t lose their homes and loved ones.” Home. That’s right. I still had a home. I still had my dad. Eren and Mikasa had no one. The three didn’t have homes, but I did. Even in the worst moments of my life, I was still privileged enough to have my home and father. How could I even begin to compare to their struggles? They had nothing left, and I am grouping myself with their struggles. How could I do that? How could I be so privileged to think I know their pain? Yes, I lost my mom, and they did too, but I still have my dad, Conrad, and a home. 

My eyes welled up in tears again. I wiped my eyes as I whimpered, “I-I’m sorry…”

“For what?” Armin nervously asked.

“I-I act like I know how you all feel and that I am in the same boat as you guys, bu-but I’m not!” I sobbed as I held my hand to my eyes. “M-My mom may have died, but I still have my dad! I may have seen titans, but I still have a home!”

“[Y/n]. Stop crying,” Eren commanded while grabbing your shoulders. “You’re allowed to feel hurt by all of this. What happened that day was something you never thought of because you live in Wall Sheena. But here is the reality. Your naive fantasy has come to an end.”

I sniffled and nodded. He’s right. My childish fantasy of being safe in the walls was just shattered and my mother died. That in itself is reason enough to be in pain. The guilty feeling won’t ever leave me, I mean, how could it? I chose Armin over my mom, and I felt as though my struggle could be compared to my other three friends. At least now, I can accept my pain just a bit more. 

“Excuse me?” We turn our heads to the new voice. It was a man from the Military Police with two other officers. “Do you by any chance know a [Y/n] [L/n]?”

Eren immediately let go of my shoulders, and glared at the men, “Why do you ask?”

“Her caretaker has been searching all over Trost for her, checking different refugee camps. Believe his name was Conrad,” the officer gruffed, glancing between the four of us.

I perked up at Conrad’s name. So he is looking for me? That’s a relief. I was starting to worry about finding a way home.

I wiped my nose before piping up, “That would be me, sir.” I stepped forward to them. I looked at my friends and hugged each of them tightly. I didn’t know when I would see them again.

“Take care, [Y/n]. I hope you write to us. We’ll write first when we’ve settled down. I hope you wait for us, for me,” Armin smiled at me when he pulled away from my hug. It threw me off guard to see his eyes twinkling so hopefully. I could feel my cheeks flush a rosy pink from Armin saying he wanted me to wait for him. I could only muster a nod.

“Write to me as soon as possible!” I say anxiously as I turn around, facing the officers. I walk towards them, one of them placing a firm hand on my back to guide me. The action made me uncomfortable, but I chose to say nothing. I was led away from my friends and I can hear them say goodbye, but the presence of the officers made a shiver run down my spine. They steered me through the crowd of people, getting farther and farther away. I looked around the area and noticed that there weren't many people around; it was practically dead. Why were they bringing me here? Was Conrad here?

They led me inside a small alleyway, making red flags wave in my head. “Where are you taking me?” I glanced nervously at the three men around me, uncomfortable by their presence.

“That Conrad kid won’t be here till later, so we're taking you to a… private location while we wait.” One of the men answered me in a gruff voice.

“Can’t- Can’t we just go back to my friends and wait?” I grabbed my sweater and moved it to cover myself. I shouldn’t be alone with them. This is dangerous. I took a good look at each man’s face, taking mental notes of their features. One has a buzz cut with a poorly trimmed mustache. He was the shortest of the three. The second man had short dark hair with very bushy eyebrows, and he was the tallest man I have ever seen, maybe 5’11”. The last man, the one that asked for me, had long blond hair and prominent cheekbones. I made sure to save each feature to memory, just in case something happens.

“Are they [Y/n] [L/n]? No. Plus,” he shrugged, “They even said they’d write to you, so just relax.” He kept walking in front of me while eyebrows and mustache walked behind me.

We finally came to a stop in front of a door in the alley. I looked around and noticed that we were very far away from the street. If I tried to run, I wouldn’t be able to find Conrad and they would be able to catch me very easily. They opened the door and pushed me inside. When they entered the mustache man locked the door.

“Well then. Now that we have to wait for that Conrad fellow, why don’t we have some fun?” Cheekbones ginned sickeningly as they all started to approach me.

* * *

“She’s right this way,” I heard a gruff voice come from the other side of the wall, “She’s been through a lot, so if she isn’t acting right, don’t worry. We’ve been seeing all sorts of trauma from Shiganshina survivors.”

“I can’t believe she went through all of that on her own. Watching her mother die and almost getting her legs crushed by a titan? No child should ever see that,” Conrad. I heard Conrad! I sat up from the bed that I was in, and winced in pain. I wanted to run into Conrad’s arms and cry my eyes out, but with the shape of my lower body that would not be possible.

The door swung open, and there stood Conrad, looking so relieved. “[NickName], oh my gosh,” Conrad hurried over to sit beside me as he examined my face, brushing my hair down and out of my face. “Let’s take you home,” he smiled warmly at me. Home. I finally get to go home after living in hell.

I felt my eyes blur with tears as I wrap my arms around Conrad’s neck. Conrad gingerly picked me up bridal style, being very cautious with my legs. I whimpered in pain, a majority being from my bottom half. I tried my hardest to choke back sobs, but with the inhale on Conrad’s forest smell and the exhale of my pain, the tears didn’t seem to stop. I buried my face into his neck as I cried my pain away, wishing they would leave me as fast as my tears. Conrad just held me close as he carried me out of the building to a little wagon and horse. It was a two-person cart with room for luggage in the back. All that was there was a sack and some blankets, more than likely his own that he bought.

After setting me gently into the seat, he grabbed the blanket and wrapped me in it. He then walked around to the other side and hopped in. Conrad got himself situated before he signaled the horse to start walking. With that, we started our journey back home, and away from my nightmares...or so I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about not sticking to my updating schedule. Life has been kicking my booty. Hopefully, I can get the chapter up by tomorrow!
> 
> I will try to keep the updates consistent, as I have more than enough time. I just procrastinate waaaay too much. As of right now, I am working two jobs, so cut me some slack😔 If you have any story ideas or requests, feel free to send them my way! I already have four other stories in mind!
> 
> Hope you all are happy, healthy, and safe!
> 
> -MightKnighty


	3. Times are Changing

It has been 2 years since the fall of Wall Maria, since the jeopardization of humanity, and since my world fell apart. It has been harder for my family since we lost my mother. I ended up taking over the taverns as my father began to work less and less. The news hit both of us hard as we never got the chance to say goodbye to her. My father slipped more and more into depression and Conrad had to hide the liquor in the house so my father couldn’t find it. Conrad stayed with us and helped me run the taverns. He still does the deliveries for us, but now he checks on the taverns while I do the paperwork. When Connor turned 18, he moved to Ehrmich, with some help from me. I don’t know where I would be without Conrad. He has been my rock through all my struggles. He could have left and found a better paying job, but he stuck here and helped out more. And now I needed him even more now.

It has been raining for days, not once letting up. My shoes slowly sunk into the mud, gradually swallowing up my feet. I just let the rain drench my skin as I stand outside. I stand right outside of Wall Sheena’s gate, in the middle of the field that was just beyond it. I am grateful for the rain; it masks my tears. I stare out into the field at the wretched mound of bodies that were set out to be burned but were saved by the rain. The smell was nauseating and I couldn’t help but gag while I softly sobbed. In the pile of bodies, there lies my father. Due to his heavy alcoholism and his severe depression, the doctors concluded that his liver was failing. Since we didn’t have very advanced medicine, the increased population, the high demand for doctors, and the high demand for medicine, there was very little we could do aside from making sure he was comfortable in his final moments. I hate the fact that his final moments were so painful.

He was ridden to his bed, the swelling in his legs making him unable to walk. He was constantly in and out of coma and his memory was fading. There were times where he would forget who he was. He looked so skinny and frail since he couldn’t keep any food down. When he got closer to death, the bleeding didn’t stop. I hated that in his last moments, my father was in such insufferable pain. These last two years have been terrible on him, the least he deserved was a painless death and even that could not be granted to him. 

Upon his death, I should have inherited all of the taverns. They are all under my family name, so it would be no problem despite me being only 12 years of age. But that is not how I want to spend the rest of my life, at least not yet. I have come to a very important decision that I need to discuss with Conrad. He might not agree to it anyway, so I am not getting my hopes up. 

I hear the sloshing of hooves in the mud approaching me, but no wheels. Conrad probably came to check on me without a carriage since the wheels would probably get stuck. Eventually, the horse comes to a stop right behind me. I hear a pair of boots slosh against mud with a small grunt.

“What are you doing standing in the rain?” Conrad took the reins of the horse, but I can only assume as my back is still facing him. “You’ll get sick if you keep standing out here.”

“He’s right there, Conrad… in there” I grit my teeth and clench my fists. “He- He drowned himself in alcohol. He **almost** threw everything he built! When I’m still here!” I choke back a sob and wipe my cheek in a useless attempt to stop the tears. “I-I can’t do this, Conrad. I can’t run the taverns… I’m too young.” I turn around and look at him. I stare intensely at him before I muster out, “There is still so much stuff that I still want to do! And I can’t do that if I take on such a responsibility. I need you to run the taverns for me.”

Conrad’s eyes widen in shock, “But...But the taverns aren’t under my name! They belong to you! **Your** family’s name!”

“I’m only 12! Besides! I can sign you as a shareholder or something! That way you can be my partner and can legally run the taverns.” 

“[Y/n], please. Let’s just go back home so we can talk about this,” He asks exasperatedly. I eye him warily, searching for something to argue with. He looks so disheveled. His black hair was drenched, and he wasn’t wearing a jacket. He can get sick from the rain and riding his horse. Plus, he looks very indecent with his soaked white shirt.

“Why don’t you have a coat?” I speak softly as I walk towards him.

He runs his hand through his sopping locks and sighs, “The stable boy saw you running after the corps cart and didn’t know whether he should leave you alone or tell me. When he finally did tell me, I just grabbed the first horse I saw and went looking for you.” He gave me a hesitant look before he gently grabbed my waist and lifted me onto the horse. He then took the saddle and swung his leg over behind me. I shift uncomfortably when I realize how drenched I am. I am lucky to be wearing a black shirt, not that it’d be much of a show. I’m only 12 years old so there is not much there yet.

The ride back home was quiet and cold. The chill of the rain finally set into my bones, making me shiver like a leaf. I stare blankly, wondering how my life fell apart when I barely just began my life. 

When we finally reached the house, Conrad told me to go change so that I don’t get sick. I go inside, warily looking around my dull house. It looks so empty and miserable. The walls are a bleak grey with black wooden floors. There isn’t much life to it anymore. When you walk into the house you are immediately in the foyer with stairs that take you upstairs to the rooms and a hall that leads to the kitchen and dining room. There is a door in the foyer that leads to what was my father’s office.

I drag myself up the stairs, the loud stomping of my boots fills the house. I feel like my boots weigh me down with the invisible forces of hell trying to drag me down. I often forget that I’m only 12. I open the door to my room, taking in the bareness of it. I was never the type to put unnecessary decorations. The most would be the flower bouquets my father would bring me. I close my door and immediately begin to remove my deluged clothes, replacing it with a blue nightgown that reaches just below my knees and a black sweater. Once I completely change, I tie my hair up into a bun to keep it out of my face. 

I exit my room and head down the stairs so I can head to the kitchen and make tea. Tea has been a great way for me to calm down; a lot safer too. I walk solemnly down the hall, heading straight to my comfort. I light the fireplace and take the teapot. I open it and take it to the indoor water pump; filling it to my liking. I place it on the hook inside the fireplace, just above the fire. I hear the door open, the sound of boots treading against the wooden floors towards the kitchen. Conrad comes into the kitchen and sees me setting out two mugs.

“I take it I can’t change your mind,” Conrad mutters as he sits down at the table.

“No…” I start to turn to the hall so I can go get Conrad a change of clothes. “You shouldn’t stay in those wet clothes.”

“[Y/n],” Conrad sternly called my name. “We need to stop avoiding the issue before it’s too late.”

I sigh, knowing that he is right. I sit down across from him, not daring to meet his eyes. I’d surely lose confidence in my decision then. “I am going to sign you as a shareholder. Technically I cannot legally buy alcohol since I am under the age of 18. This is the best thing I can think of.”

“And what will you be doing if I let that happen? I’m assuming you’re doing this so you don’t have to take on the taverns.” Conrad questions as he strums his fingers against the table.

“You’re right, Conrad. I mainly wanted to sign you because I didn’t want to run the taverns just yet. There is still so much I want to still do.” I look up with desperate eyes. I need this. I don’t want to fall into this trap for the rest of my life. It just wouldn’t be fair.

Conrad looks into my eyes and soaks in my demeanor. “There is something else you’re not telling me,” he took note.

I suck in a sharp breath and tighten my hands into a fist. The kettle began to screech angrily. I suddenly become hyper-aware of the noises happening around me: the fierce cry of the teapot, the strumming of Conrad’s fingers, the pattering rain outside, the distant sound of horses, and passing carts. All of these sounds flood my mind. I wish they could all just be silent. Just for a moment. 

Screeches. Pattering, strums, clashing, clanging. Clanging, clanging, clashing, screaming, crying, groaning. Stop it, stop it, STOP.

“I’m joining the Scout Regiment,” I blurt out as I get up and grab my mitten. I take the tea kettle off its hook and set it on the kitchen table. I look out the window and see that the rain let up. It’s quiet now. After getting that off my chest, everything went silent. Even Conrad. I look over at him and see that he was staring at me as though a titan was right behind me. I look away as I continue, “I received a letter from Armin about how the three of them were joining the Survey Corps. It was their final goodbye and I’ll be damned if I let them fight after all I saw.”

“You’re not going to change your mind... Are you?”

I shook my head, “No, I don't plan on it.” I turn around and pour tea into the two cups. I put a spoonful of sugar in Conrad’s cup while I prepared my own. I turn back to Conrad and gave him his cup. Conrad thanked me for the tea, bringing it up to his lips with a contemplative stare. 

“I don’t like this, [Y/n],” he sips his tea and sets it down. “It’s incredibly dangerous and you’ll be living everyday like the next hour is not guaranteed.” 

“I would rather die knowing I tried to make a difference rather than wasting my life away at 12,” I counter with a pointed glare. I stay standing as I place my tea on the table. “Well if you agree to this, then let’s go to the office so I can file it.” He just kept staring as he calmly drank his tea. 

“Alright,” He set his cup down and stood up tall, “Let’s get this done with.”

We walk down the hall to the office, where I take my place at the desk. I open a drawer and pull out a small file of the papers needed. 

“I get deployed to training in a week. After that, I will be gone for years to train and on duty for who knows how long. So with that, I want to put my family’s estate in your name as well.”

Conrad shakes his head, “If you’re going to give me the estate, then I want to be a co-owner. I don’t want to take anything away from you.” 

I sigh, “Fine, you’ll be a co-owner.” I open the file and push it toward him, along with a pen. “If you’re ready, let’s begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the short chapter :( It's been a fat minute and it's probably going to be like this since school is starting and college applications are open. Hopefully, I can update more regularly.


	4. A/N pt 2

Hi everyone! Yes, I live! life is calming down a little more, so now I have been having some time to write. College applications are being submitted, I'm making manageable homework time, and SAT testing is done. That being said, I have decided to change the first chapter "Shiganshina". It won't be too different, but I wanted to edit some of it at the end to actually help with where I want the reader to be. I should be finished with that by hopefully by tonight or tomorrow :)

\- Indigo The Mighty Knighty


	5. On Your Feet Cadet

On a normal day like this would be greatly appreciated, but today, in a full training uniform, it is not enjoyable at all. The sun was blazing, and there were no clouds in sight to cover its hellish blaze. I could feel beads of sweat roll down my forehead. It was the beginning of hell, I could already tell. I had gotten up well before sunrise, leaving for the training grounds at the crack of dawn. We were transported here through a taxi wagon, fitting about seven of us. It didn’t take too long to get to the training grounds, however, the process for filing the paperwork took a majority of the morning. It contained legal documents, like our wills, familial contacts, papers saying that we are okay with the high likelihood of death, and things such as that.

Here we were. The 104th Training Corps, ready to be broken down into nothing more than emotionless slates. We were all standing at attention, in several lines, with Commander Shadis making his rounds screaming at our faces. He was being unnecessarily rude, tearing down things that shouldn’t have mattered, like our names and hairstyles. He had called Armin’s hair a mop, which he isn’t totally wrong. He should really think about cutting that, though I do like it as it is. 

One by one, he would make his way to each cadet, skipping the ones that I knew were from Shiganshina or Wall Maria. Down the line, he went, verbally abusing those in his path and stepping so close into one’s personal space that one could possibly count every pore on his greasy skin. He eventually stood directly in front of me, his eyes shadowed with the semblance of a raccoon. The stench of his breath really helped with the analogy.

“What’ yer name cadet?!” Commander Shadis howled in my face. I flinched when some spit landed on my cheek.

“My name is [Y/n] [L/n] from Ehrmich, sir!” I bellowed as I shifted to the salute, right fist placed on my heart and left fist behind my back.

“Ah! So we have some inner wall pussy,” he laughed, tossing his head back to let out the boisterous chuckle. “You must be pretty fucked up in the head to be here” his voice dripped with venom as his demeanor dropped back to its menacing aura. “I bet you've never even seen a titan,” he spit at my boots as he snarled.

I could feel my blood boil with every word that he vomited. I can’t lose my cool no matter how much I want to. I need to make him feel like very titan fodder that he’s been subjecting us all to. How dare he assume I am weak just because I was born in the center walls. “I have sir!” I yelled, staring straight ahead as I continued, “I was in Shiganshina during Wall Maria’s fall and lost within Wall Rose! I will lay down my life in the efforts to reclaim the wall and kill the titans that threaten our way of life!” I meet his eyes with a fire blazing within mine, holding all the hatred I had towards the universe.

I held a burning stare as Commander Shadis’s eyes widened a bit. I bet he didn’t expect that. “Just turn around, cadet,” Shades grunts as he moves on. I do as told and turn around, dropping the salute. I stare straight on and see a tallish guy looking back me. He had freckles sprinkled across his cheeks, dark brown undercut, and with the cutest round eyes I have ever seen. He reminded me of Conrad, especially in the eyes. I break eyes from him and scan the rest of the people in front of me, taking in all of my peers. A short girl with bright blue eyes and blonde hair, a buff boy with blonde hair, and a nervous boy who was ridiculously tall. He ways a couple of feet away, but I could still visibly see him sweat. I have no idea whether it was due to the heat or the fact that he seemed nervous.

We continued to stay outside in the sweating sun, going over basic hand-to-hand combat and knife techniques. Finally, we were let go for the evening, and as expected we all went to bath which consisted of “washrooms” that had several buckets, soaps, and a pool of water. Of course, each gender had their own washrooms. I had went to the barracks to grab some extra clothes that they had provided for us before heading to get cleaned. I walked out of the barracks and still saw that potato girl running the laps. She’s been doing that all day, but that’s not my problem that she decided to steal from the mess hall. I walked into the wash rooms, finding an empty station to was myself. There were already some girls in the washroom that were extremely insecure by others seeing them, I felt very indifferent about it. It didn’t take long for me to clean myself and get dried. I braided my wet hair, before getting changed.

I exited the washrooms and saw Eren with a couple of people in front of the mess hall. I approached them and heard them talking about the “drop outs”. Those who would rather work in the fields rather than train. “That’s just how it is,” Eren claimed as he stared out, “You won’t last if you’re weak.”

I walk up the steps and roll my eyes, “That’s optimistic, Eren.” I laugh as I take his side. “But,” I stare out at the wagon, “You’re not wrong… It takes a different kind of stupid to stay in the training corps," I snicker as I nudge him.

“Hey!” Eren shoves my shoulder, “Then why are you here, smarts?” Eren retorts with an amused glare.

I tap my temple as I start heading to the door, “I never said that I was smart!” I laugh as I enter the mess hall. I stood there, scanning the hall when someone bumps into my back, sending me forward a bit.

“Ah! Sorry, I didn’t see you there,” A new voice squeaks behind me. I turn around to meet eyes with the freckled boy from before.

“Uh… It’s okay,” I mutter as I step out of the way. He enter with a bicolor-haired boy follows.

“I’ll find us a seat, Marco” the boy calls as he winks at his friend before looking for a seat.

“Marco… Where have I heard that name before?” I mutter, scratching my chin which seemed to catch his attention. I snap my fingers, “Is your name Marco Bott?”

He blinks in surprise, “How do you know my name?”

“Conrad Bott worked under my father. I am very close to him,” I finish with a smile.

Marco’s eye brighten, “Oh! So you must be [Y/n] [L/n]!” He sticks his hand out, which I take to shake. “It’s so nice to finally meet you! You don’t know how happy he has been working under your father!”

My smile falls a bit and I mention a bit bitterly, “Yes, well now the company is his.” Marco was taken aback. “My father passed earlier this year. I wanted to come here so I gave him the company in order for him to keep working.”

I feel Marco grab my other hands, holds them tightly, and he stares at me sincerely, “Thank you, [Y/n]… I have heard about what happened to your family and Conrad has always been worried about you,” He chuckles a bit, “More than him being out of a job.” He lets go of my hands and smiles. “Why don’t you eat with me and Jean? I want to talk to you more.”

I smile at him, I see so much of Conrad but with more of a child-like innocence to him. “I’d love to Marco.”


	6. The Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Just a short chapter today because I have so many ideas I would like to get to >:3 There will be more Author Notes at the end as well!

I had gotten my food, which was just watery soup, stale bread, and a stale baked potato, and brought it to the table that Marco and Jean were sitting at. I sat across both of them and began to eat. I make a little small talk with Marco, mainly about his family and our travels here.

“So, [Y/n],” Jean cleared his throat, “How do you know Marco? I thought he didn’t know anyone here, let alone you. I mean you’re from the Inner Wall, so you must know no one here.” Jean questioned me with a glint in his eyes.

“My family hired Marco’s brother a couple of years back and now he is the co-owner of our business,” I explain as I pick at the baked potato. “And I do know people here, you ass hat. I know Armin, Mikasa, and Eren.” I glower at him a bit. It always annoyed me how people assume that I am some sheltered baby who never had to lift a finger just because I reside in the inner walls. Not everyone who was in the outer walls resided in the outer walls.

“Isn’t Eren the one over there?” Marco pointed in the direction causing me to turn around, and low and behold, there is Eren surrounded by people pestering him about seeing the Colossal Titan. He seems to have been playing it off as if it was no big deal, but even I know that isn’t true. I smile a bit before shaking my head and turning back around.

“God, I really hate how that guy is overplaying the fall of Wall Maria. How is he supposed to kill titans if he still is acting like a quivering pussy?” Jean rolled his eyes as he took a bite out of his bread roll.

“Jean literally shut the fuck up,” I scrunch my face in disgust.

“What? I’m just saying…” He looked confused and taken aback a bit.

“But who asked? Cause Marco hasn’t said anything. I sure as hell didn’t ask. You have no idea what the hell you are getting into, but at least Eren is still set on going into the Survey Corps after seeing titans. Literally, go suck a dick.” I was absolutely done with this horse-faced man. I got up, abandoning my unfinished food before making my way back to the barracks. How dare he judge someone on their trauma? It’s just so frustrating because he was not there! His family was not in jeopardy or die, so he has no input on how people should act in that situation.

I was not paying attention to where I was going and bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention,” I apologize as I look at the person I angrily ran into. It seemed to be the tall boy from earlier.

“Oh uh… It’s okay, I also wasn’t paying attention…” He muttered anxiously. His forest green eyes refused to meet mine as he scanned the room for someone. He seems to be very socially awkward, so I cannot judge his nervousness.

“I’m [Y/n], by the way,” I smile awkwardly and stick out my hand instinctually. He seemed surprised that I introduced myself as his eyes snapped to mine in confusion. It made me tense to see his eyes full-on with an emotion other than anxiety; he did have very mysterious eyes.

To my surprise, he actually shook my hand, although a little shaky they were. “I’m Bertolt,” He introduced, his voice still low and a tad bit shaky. “I’m actually looking for someone one right now, but it was a pleasure to make your acquaintance”

“Likewise,” I hesitantly remove my hand his larger ones before excusing myself. Well… That wasn’t awkward at all. He seemed very nice, I’m surprised that a boy as anxious as him was here of all places. But alas, here he was. As I walk back to the barracks, I clench the hand he held a bit more. It now felt cold, but I could care less. What was bothering me was the emotions I saw in his eyes when I introduced myself. I cannot pinpoint what it was, but just something was off. Maybe I just need to get some sleep…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello! if you're not already, go and follow me on Instagram and TikTok @ mighty.indigo, Twitter @ mighty_indigo. I really would like to finish this story, but it is so hard when I have so many story ideas in my head :( However, I am also thinking about starting a Youtube channel (not the stereotypical ones about fanfiction tropes and tips, I have plenty of ideas for that) just so that I can try to get more content out to you.


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